Put Some South in Your Mouth

I apologize for the VERY LONG delay in blogging; the quickest explanation is that architecture finally hit a running pace. We'll hit a sprint by the end of the semester, but right things are just moving fast, not break-neck. I'm going to try to give a sufficient summation of the highlights of the last month--yikes!

I found a church.

I've been going to Fellowship Denver for about a month now. A girl at Denver Seminary that I know through a mutual friend told me there was a Fellowship Bible church here in Denver, so I got on their website to check them out. While on the website I saw a picture of Wes Gentry! The only people who read my blog that would know who Wes is would be John, Gennie, and Brian. We lived with Wes in 2003 in Boulder at Kaleo. Wow, that was a long time ago. Anyway, I couldn't believe it because I haven't seen or talked to this guy, save the occasional facebook message, in four years. So, I hopped on facebook and sent him a message. He was the first person I saw when I walked in, and we talked and caught up a little. It was great to see him, but the church was even better. And this was just the first of a few weird coincidences--or God-ordained events, rather.

For the first time since moving to Denver, I found solid, biblical teaching. This shouldn't be surprising since it is a Fellowship Bible church and the Grove is a Fellowship church plant, but I was really excited. The worship leaves something to be desired, especially since the most recent worship song played was written in 2001, but my list of "wants" in a church shrank incredibly once moving here and realizing how difficult it is to find a good Bible-based church. Basically my only non-negotiable became "They must read the Bible and sermons should consist of digging into a passage in the Word". That's it. But along with awesome teaching I found awesome people. My first day, I met a group of young students/professionals and I ate lunch with them. Awesome! I also met this girl named Jen that I love.

God-ordained event #2: The pastor went to UA and is a HUGE Razorback fan, not that either of those things really matter, but cool nonetheless.
God-ordained event #3: We've been going through Ecclesiastes, and the first week there we studied the first part of chapter 3 and discussed the same hard topics we talked about in CG when we studied Habakuk. Hunter took it a little farther or at least had some other things to say about it. I highly suggest going to the website and listening to that sermon. It was really good.
God-ordained event #4: Fellowship Denver is a church plant of FBC in Little Rock. The pastor, Hunter, was trained there.
God-ordained event #5: The church that Adam goes to in Austin is also a church plant out of FBC Little Rock, and Hunter knows the pastor at Adam's church because they were trained together. Adam and I essentially go to sister churches--weird, huh?
God-ordained event #6: I learned this information about the two churches because a girl sat next to me the first day that was moving to Austin the next day to help out Austin Bible Fellowship. She ended up meeting Adam that next week at church. Crazy!

I saw the first snow-capping in the Rockies.
It hasn't been very cold consistently yet. There was a 47 degree day at the beginning of September, but it quickly warmed back up. The weather here is amazingly perfect; I may not be saying that in another month. You can see the Rockies from my window in the studio and each day more snow appears on the tips in the distance. It's so fun!

My boyfriend is great!
Adam sent me this amazing package that blew my mind. It was a huge box full of all kinds of fun surprises like framed pictures, notes, etc. It was the best package I've ever received. It was really apparent he had put a lot of time and effort into it. I'm convinced that if there were a "Who's Who Among American Boyfriends" Adam would be listed and win the first prize in being a great boyfriend.

Adam comes to see me this week!
In two days, he flies in to hang out for the weekend. I can't wait!! It's been two months almost to the day since I've seen him. We have a whole weekend full of fun activities planned. Dinner and The Office Thursday; zoo Friday and Oktoberfest; mountains Saturday; Sunday down-time. Monday he leaves. Then he will fly back here in three weeks, and I fly down to Austin the weekend before Thanksgiving. From here on, we'll be able to see each other pretty consistently I think.

I had my first big architecture review yesterday.
We had some outside critics come in and review our studio projects. We had five minutes to present and ten minutes to hear criticism and defend ourselves. Mine didn't go very well. This project was a series of events--let's call it an evolution of an idea through several stages. It's all heavily theory-based. They raved about my first model, even saying I should sell it on ebay, but they felt in the evolution to my final model a great deal was lost. I completely understand and agree with everything they said. At first, when I was standing up under the heat and weight of feeling like I had failed, I was upset about it, but Jesus gave me a new perspective. I want to do well and do everything in architecture school to the best of my abilities, but I'm not in architecture school to become famous or have amazing projects. Ultimately, I'm here because I want to eventually use my talents and abilities in the service of others overseas. If Jesus has to remind me of my purposes and keep me humble in this way--that's perfectly fine with me. So, I am disappointed in the outcome, but certainly not discouraged. It makes me want to work harder next time but keep in mind my ultimate goal.

I miss you all so much and can't wait to see you again, whenever that may be. I hope all is well with you. I would love to hear from you and about you soon. I love you!

erin

oh and the title of this post is a slogan I found on the "Jim's West of Memphis BBQ" sign. yikes! that could be taken in so many different ways, and i don't think any of them are good.

the new addition to my face

i kind of left you guys hanging after that last post--sorry about that. i actually began this post a week ago, but never got back to it. this one is going to be a kind of summation of the last couple of weeks. in short, i decided to stay in the architecture program, and even though the financial frustrations are pretty great, the alternative (putting off school for another year, finding a job that will hire me for a year and pay enough for me to live and pay bills, etc.) seemed really unappealing. so here i am, and i have to say that i love denver and colorado more and more all the time. the only things lacking are the people i wish i could have by my side and a church that i feel really challenges me in my relationship with jesus. this last point is the thing i want to discuss most.

pathways
i have visited a church here in denver called pathways twice, tonight being the second time. it is similar in some ways to the grove: they meet on sunday nights, it's made up of mostly white 20-30-somethings, and would be classified as "contemporary", i suppose. there are some things about it that i like. i like the similar format, but it would almost be better to switch to something so different from the grove because i find myself more often than not weighing everything against the grove. they have a social justice ministry group that meets regularly, though i'm not exactly sure what they do outside of providing for the needs of refugees in our country, which is great, don't misunderstand me. the downside is that, despite the "good feeling" i get about the staff and mission of the church, there seems to be no life/passion/enthusiasm in the body. they have a decent list of ways to get "involved", but on Sunday nights, it feels like i'm the only one singing in the congregation. this church has another campus a little further south that meets in the morning. i may check that out and see if it's just the people at this service. i also want to find out more about this social justice ministry.

church in the city
this one could be my favorite thus far. it's totally different from anything i've ever attended. the compstons and i went last week together. the two things that attracted me to it were the fact that they have a group called "heart for africa" and the church originally started as a homeless outreach ministry, which if you've been reading my blog, is a large need in denver. it was essentially a black gospel style church in it's worship. there were people in the congregation from every racial, socioeconomic background, and as a complete contrast to what i found at pathways, everyone was clearly excited to be worshiping jesus--clapping, dancing, etc. kristen and i were really excited, until the pastor got up. it was the worst let down. he didn't seem to fit with the rest of the church. he spoke on peace, but instead of preaching out of the word, he mostly shared anecdotes and famous quotes by famous people. it was really sad. i was ready for someone to get up there and rip the word apart and let it come alive for people. his redeeming feature was that he was a messianic jew from the bronx, and at the close of the service, he sang a blessing in hebrew. it was one of the coolest things i've ever heard.

origins
last sunday night, i visited origins with the compstons again. they meet on sunday nights in boulder. it was more similar to the grove than even pathways, but i think after encountering the diversity, clear outreach and passion that morning at church in the city, i was a little deflated. it seems like a really awesome church. i have nothing really bad to say about it, except that yet again, the pastor didn't really teach fully from scripture. really the only thing that i wasn't excited about was the fact that it's in boulder, which means it's 45 minutes away from me. that will be really hard for me, but there are several people that live in broomfield, where the compstons live, so there might actually be a community group that meets there. one thing that was really exciting was that this college guy from CU made an announcement about a group they started last year committed to seeing the end of child prostitution in their lifetime. it was like the voice of God came down on a cloud and said "Here, Kristen, meet some people that love Jesus and are passionate about the exact same causes." that was really neat. kristen went to a meeting about it last week, and i think she was really encouraged by it.

as it stands, i'm not sure about churches, but there are more that i haven't even looked into yet. on another note, i spent all last weekend with the compstons. i spent the night there friday and saturday. it was a great time. yesterday, we did a six mile hike up deer mountain in rocky mountain national park, and it reminded all of us how out of shape we are. i spent the night with them last night, and then we spent the majority of today laying around and eating, recovering from our rigorous exercise the day before. life is good. i'm hanging stuff on my walls this weekend, and i promise pictures of my apartment are coming, meredith! for now, i'm including pictures below of the new addition to my face. farewell!

feeling a little nervous...

yikes!

kristen held my hand through the whole thing!

Two in one day...that's serious

I actually have some really serious decisions in front of me this week. It would take a while to explain fully, about as long as the RTD story below, but I am seriously considering dropping out of the program and deferring for a year due to financial obstacles and constraints. Please pray for me this week as I research my options and assess the situation. Pray that I will have wisdom and peace. Thanks!

these shoes weren't made for walking

subtitled: a chronicle of my travels around denver via the rtd bus system and the troubles therein

If anyone can make sense of the picture above for me, that would be great! Thus far, I haven't managed the bus system with much grace or intelligence, essentially the RTD MAN has me down. I can't read the little bus maps they hand out at the stations to save my life. I think the numbers are scheduled times that the bus stops at each stop, but why don't they have a colon, which would be a clear indicator of time?? This has been a really humbling experience for someone with fairly good directional skills and map-reading skills. I pride myself on being an excellent navigator! I haven't gotten lost in Denver yet, but I can't figure this mass transportation system out!

It all started on the first day of my workshop when, all prepared like a good little school girl, I sat down on the NW corner of the intersection of Grant and 12th Ave, right where the RTD trip planner told me to, to wait for the #10 bus, looking the perfect picture of a 13 year old at the bus stop on the first day of school, complete with backpack, giant art bag and lunch bag. I waited for 10 minutes wondering why there was no bench or sign marking the bus stop. Then the #10 pulled up at the stoplight across 12th from me, so guessing I had chosen the wrong corner, I ran across and, when he didn't open the doors for me, banged on the glass. He seemed completely annoyed but let me on anyway. As he pulled through the light I realized why he was annoyed. He was stopped at a red light; the bus stop was actually on the other side of the intersection. But as we pulled away, I soon felt uneast about the fact that we were heading in the wrong direction, east, away from downtown and the school. I got up and asked if this was the only #10 bus. He said there were many and asked where I needed to go. I told him and he informed me that I needed to get off at the next stop and cross the street to get on the #10 heading west. On the correct bus, headed in the correct direction, I realized that i hadn't actually been sitting at a bus stop at all; I had been on the Grant side of 12th and Grant and the stop was on the 12th side. That was Day 1.

Later that week, after staying late in studio, I went to my usual stop to catch the #10 home. I waited a long time and finally decided that the bus must take a different route after normal hours. So I walked the 25 minutes home, and the #10 passed me on my way. So now I know that the #10 is always the bus that I need to take to go to and from studio and home. Then I tried to figure out which bus to take from the actual campus (the architecture building is not on campus) by asking the bus drivers which route I needed. No one seemed to know. I'm not sure exactly why they work for RTD if they don't know the system, but one driver seemed to think he could get me close to my apartment. Once at the stop he told me to take, I had to walk 9 blocks home. I probably should have just walked from campus.

Which brings me to today. This afternoon, I sat out at 12th & Grant on the convenient bench provided by the city that I have now discovered. 15 minutes passed, and the bus hadn't come. I realized that with 9 minutes until class time for my first day of studio, I couldn't risk waiting any longer. So I walked. It sucked. I was wearing my little gold Greek goddess sandals (which I now never want to wear again) and formed large blisters on the balls and heels of both feet. I actually don't walk now; I waddle. Then, on my way home today, I stood up to get off at my stop and the driver didn't stop. I figred he just didn't see me stand up in time to stop, so I stood behind him, and he drove through the next stop. I now know that if there is no one waiting at a stop, the driver will not stop unless someone pulls the cord. So, I waddled the three unnecessary blocks home. Some day soon I will write a post to you all informing you that I have mastered the RTD. Until then, I'm wearing tennis shoes.

Okay, I'm ready to come home now...

I had a really fantastic weekend and close to my week. After a four-day workshop Monday through Thursday, which ended in a really encouraging critique, I went to Boulder with the Compstons for Steve's birthday Thursday night. We had dinner and then hung out at their new apartment, where I ended up spending the night. Then early Friday morning, I picked up my dear friend Polly from the airport. Friday and Saturday were great days for us to catch up on life, explore Denver and Boulder a little, get my nose pierced (yeah, I got my nose pierced finally after four years of wanting it; pictures will soon follow), and cook awesome food. Saturday night, the Compstons, Polly and Lindsay Porter (one of Polly's best friends and a girl who will be starting at Denver seminary soon- yay!) and myself all hung out here in my little one bedroom. Poor Stephen. One guy, four girls--yikes!

It was so fun to have deep meaningful conversations with Polly again and to have so many people in my apartment as opposed to just me. Polly left early this morning and Lindsay and walked and explored from one end of the 16th St mall to the other. All-in-all, a really fun weekend. So, what's with the sad title?? Well, I checked my email at 4 this afternoon, and my dad had emailed me pictures from when they were here that I hadn't looked at yet. I completely forgot that he had documented my "goodbyes" at my last Grovefest. When I opened it and saw the picture of Adam and Mere first, I lost it. I cried and cried as I scrolled through those pictures, missing my friends, missing my boyfriend, missing Fayetteville, missing the Grove. It felt like the scene in "Big" when Tom Hanks' best friend drops him off in that temporary apartment and all he can hear is gunfire and ambulances, and he just lays on the bed and cries. Okay, it's not that bad, but I do hear a lot of sirens. And there are more than just a few sketchy characters in my neighborhood. I just want Shelli and Gennie and Meredith to show up on my doorstep and never leave!!! And I want Whitney to come back from Tibet, and I want Adam and James and Justin and Stu and everyone else at the Grove to move to the Denver area. Do you think we can make all that work?? Then we can truly have the much-anticipated (at least by the Compstons and myself) Grove West church plant. It'll be fantastic--at least in my mind!

I can't call Mere or Gennie or anyone in Fayetteville because you're all at church right now. And Kristen and Stephen are hanging out with her parents. And I've already cried on the phone with Adam once, and I'm pretty sure he's at church too. So, I'm blogging. Maybe I'll end by saying thanks because for someone to feel this sad about leaving a place means that there were lots of people there that made it feel like home. I miss you guys. I love you. I'm crying again. Crap! If you're looking for a really fun/kind of shady place to visit, there's a blow-up mattress and good food waiting for you at 1180 Sherman St. #106 Denver, Colorado 80203. Come on by!

ps- Shelli, I need more of that face in my life!

Mile (High) Stones

I've been in my new apartment since Tuesday, and my parents left this morning. I think I was ready for them to go, not because I don't like hanging out with them, but just because I needed to feel like I was getting settled in my apartment. I needed to feel like I was making something my own, just the way I want it. They were amazing. We got so much done this week in the way of things that need to happen before I start my workshop on Monday. They helped me do everything. They covered all expenses. I'm extremely grateful and humbled. We hardly unpacked any boxes, but I got my Colorado plates (and my dad even put them on for me), my Colorado driver's license (it's only a paper one right now, the real one will be mailed soon), my city parking tag that enables me to park in any unmetered zones in my neighborhood of Capitol Hill (probably about 25 square blocks). I emphasize unmetered because I already got a ticket; I thought with my parking tag I could park anywhere, even meters. Idiot! But that's right. I'm officially a resident of the state of Colorado; I even registered to vote (be proud John). That's more than I ever did in Arkansas, even though Fayetteville became my home. We also watched the Rockies get killed by the Cubs this week, and we purchased some really awesome furniture, since I didn't own anything.

I live two blocks south of the Capitol building. You can see it straight at the end of Sherman St. when you step out my apartment door. I have to admit it's freaking awesome and scary and sad all at the same time. It's actually always been a dream of mine to move to a big city after I graduated from college, all by myself, where I don't know anyone. Well, I did it. Right now it's as lonely as I thought it would be, but hidden in that loneliness is the idea that I'm starting out new, making my own way, taking risks. It's all very exciting!

My apartment is awesome. It's not without it's quirks, but I love it! My bedroom closet smells like a dead grandmother; I occasionally lose water pressure for no apparent reason; my kitchen is about the same size as Stephen and Kristen's at their soon-to-be old apartment, and the toilet sometimes growls like it's hungry and drains all the water from it, reminding me of Gennie's childhood fear that the toilet wanted to eat her poop. It's a small one-bedroom with old wood floors, no air conditioning, furnace heaters, and an unusually large amount of storage space. This afternoon I worked on unpacking and got the kitchen, bathroom and most of the living room settled. I promise pictures will come soon; I just don't have a digital camera. I'm old-school.

This afternoon was the first time I've felt sad. I dropped my parents off at the airport, held it together and then called Kristen to find out that she was hanging out with most of my favorite women in Fayetteville. I had a momentary tear session while I read a card from Mere-Mere, and then decided proactively that I would go for a run instead of crawling into my bed and crying. So, I ran (or walked, really), which brings me to Denver culture shock.

A few things have been a little different here. Some I can get used to; some will be difficult. Our first day in town, we went to campus to work out my loans, and came across 30 or so homeless guys hanging out at the soup kitchen set up on one of the sidewalks on campus. I have seen so many homeless people since being here. I mean, I was used to it in Memphis, but it's been a while since I've been around it and sadly it's much worse than Memphis here. Behind my apartment, there are three dumpsters and several more along the length of the alleyway that runs the full length of the block. Not a day has passed that I haven't seen and/or heard people digging through them. It's heart-breaking. I'm hoping to get involved with some organization here that works with homeless. I just can't walk by every day and not do anything. I actually live on the first floor in the apartment at the very back of the building, so the alley runs right behind my apartment. My bedroom and kitchen windows look out onto it. At night, it is really obnoxiously noisy.

I love this city though. Driving around the last few days has made me really excited about where I've relocated to. There are so many neat areas around town that are like little mini communities, especially the area I live in. Right now I'm sitting in a local micro-brewery/restaurant enjoying a stout beer and using the free wireless internet provided by the city of Denver on the 16th St. Mall. It's much like Pearl St. in Boulder, a pedestrian-only street with shops and restaurants lining each side, but it feels a little more commercialized. They're doing their next tapping at this brewery (I don't even really know what that means) on August 16, Stephen's birthday. Maybe the Compston's and I can come here to celebrate?? A couple of things you can pray for me: a bubbly, friendly girl (even if she's not a believer) and no creeper guys in my studio class (actually, if you could pray for a creeper-free zone in my apartment and at school, that would be great). Also, pray that I find a church to get plugged into, one in which I can find intimate community. Thanks! Please, send me an email! I would love to hear from my beloved friends, wherever they are! I miss you all and love you so!

Now I'm going home to make some jambalaya and watch a movie!

Miss Adventured

subtitled, "Have Some Reading Material, Mr. Compston"

Okay, so I haven't posted in over two months; I've picked up on the less-than-subtle hints. The last three months have been a definitive whirlwind--full of building new relationships, investing in old ones, finishing up chapters, preparing to begin new ones, packing, boxes, saying goodbye in stages, weddings and lots and lots of traveling. Most everyone who reads my blog (or used to, I should say) is pretty intimately connected to the details in between.

As someone who hasn't exactly felt "stable" in the physical sense in about 8 months, I've been thinking alot about the idea of home and the need for a sense of place. Living with the Davises was really interesting at times and mostly alot of fun, but it was a really temporary place that I of course never felt settled in. Since the Hirschy's wedding, I've been living out of my car and a couple of suitcases. During the recent trip I just returned from, everyone kept talking about looking forward to sleeping in their own bed. That sounded great to me, too, only I don't have my own bed. I haven't slept in my own bed since I moved out of the duplex with my lovely roomies.

I say all of this to say this: even though moving to Denver means saying goodbye to the people (outside of my family and s couple good friends) I love most in this world, I'm looking forward to the new place, new beginning and the chance to finally settle in for a while. I'm going to have my own bed. I'm going to have my own kitchen. I'm not going to have a roommate--alright, that part sucks. Here I go! Please, come visit me.

On a complete sidenote, I'm going to Rogers today with Adam to eat lunch with Lonnie and check out one of his jobs he's working on. For any of you that know Adam's stepdad, it's going to be a really good time. I'm pretty excited about it. Stay tuned for some tales from afar (about my trip, that is; I promised some posts about my travels).

Wedding Shenanigans

Here are a few highlights from an incredibly fun weekend. I stole them from Whitney's facebook album, but I have a feeling that Taylor will have some other doozies to add.

I love my friends.

A Valediction: Permitting Reflection

I had lunch with Ashley today-- our last meeting for a long time and compounded by the obscurity of when I can expect to see her again. She and Ben are spending the summer in a north African country learning the culture, language and about ministry among Muslims. They have moved all of their belongings into a storage unit because when they get back they have no idea where they will relocate to. Part of this summer for them will be to pray for direction for the fall, something I am praying for myself as well. I've often felt like I seem to move through phases and situations just behind Ashley. Much of the experiences and emotions I've gone through in the year since my graduation from college mirror what Ashley experienced the previous year.

This marks a major moment for me. For the last six years, Ashley has been an important fixture in my life. When I started college in 2001, unsure of why I was here in Arkansas, unsure of who I was and what the heck I was doing with my life, Ashley quickly became my closest friend. I forget sometimes that we did go to the same high school because she and I both are so different from when we left Tennessee, and that life seems more than just literally miles away. Coming here opened up my heart to allow God to mature me, place in me a desire for his will, and turn me into a woman pursuing godliness. In ways I can't express in words, God used Ashley to that end (which isn't really an end since I'm still a work in progress). She essentially discipled me though we didn't use those terms and we followed no "program". We just lived life together and taught one another along the way. Someone once told us that roommates couldn't be accountability partners, and we told him he was full of crap (well, not to his face). We did hold one another accountable; we prayed together; we studied the word together. And we laughed a lot. Even after we didn't live together any longer, we still made time together a priority. After we each graduated, we both stayed here in NWA. Now it's all changing. She and Ben are leaving, destination unknown. I am moving to Denver. As cliche as it sounds, it really does feel like the end of an era. And now I'm tearing up.

Our time together today was only okay. We talked about the wide open unknown that lays before us. We talked about summer plans. It felt rushed. But I have a feeling that not all the time in the world would have been a sufficient "goodbye". But distance does not sever bonds, it merely alters them, and so, in the words of Donne:

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to aery thinness beat.

Here's to friends! Thanks, Ash.

Another hard Friday at Habitat

My boss, Deborah, the Assistant Director of Habitat.
She used to be the lead singer in a hippy rock band back
in the 70s. Quote: "When I got my first pair of bell bottoms
back in 1969, man you couldn't stop me!" Now she loves Jesus.

*Note: Right before these pictures were taken was the first

time I ever rode a bike without training wheels. I told you

guys it took a long time for me to learn; I just didn't tell you

how long!*

I was trying to make a mean face in this picture. I

think I need to work on that--it's not very convincing.

Quiz my friends Trivia Question: What is my job title at Habitat? From the pictures above, there could probably be some really funny, creative responses.

I don't want to leave; you can't make me!!

Let's talk about this because I don't think anyone (especially me) realizes how soon I am leaving NWA. I am moving back to Memphis after Gennie and Brian's wedding, July 7! So, if any of you were contemplating skipping their wedding, you may want to rethink that because it might be the last time I see you if you're not around when I get back from China. I'll be at home for a few days, and then come back up here to fly to Beijing July 13. I get back from China July 28, and I'll spend a few days here to say goodbye to everyone (by the way, I'll need a place to stay during that time...) before I go to Memphis, pack up my stuff, and drag my parents across the country to help me move into my new, currently non-existent apartment.

Is this scaring anyone else? Well, probably not because you're not thinking about how I don't have a job or apartment lined up in Denver yet. But is this making anyone else really sad? I keep saying that I don't want to think about it yet, but it's two months away. I have to think about it because I have to make plans to move. Even though I don't want to stay in NWA for the rest of my life and always go to the Grove and work at some architecture firm and live my perfectly safe life, I still, in my mind, find myself asking why we can't have community group stay as it is. I know that's impossible, but I guess I'm saying, "Thanks for a great year. Thanks for standing beside me. I love you all more than you know. And I think we should seriously look into retiring all together in a farming commune somewhere." Think about it.

Villa Mairea

In honor of all the excitement building in me at the thought of architecture school (and dread of the work load), I'm posting some sketches and pictures of one of my favorite buildings from History of Architecture (taught by the famous Ethel Goodstein-Myers). This one was designed by the Finnish architect Alvar Aalto. I LOVE Scandinavian architecture. Enjoy!

The Spotty Communicator

God always seems to humble me through a consistent failure to communicate with my family. In my relationships with my friends, I feel like I do a pretty decent job expressing my heart and passions, the things God is teaching me (feel free to call me out on that if I'm completely oblivious). For some reason I don't do that with my family. I share with them frequently and eagerly the updates and news of my weeks, but I often operate under the false assumption that if I try to communicate any heart issues with them they won't understand. My parents do not see eye-to-eye with me about missions, but why do I think my God isn't big enough to change that?

On Sunday, before I left Jacksonville, my grandmother handed me a check. She had told me earlier in the week that she intended to give me money, and I asked her if I could use it for T*bet. She initially agreed, but when she handed me the check, she said she didn't want me to use the money for my trip because my parents had said they didn't think I should go. I was crushed. I knew my parents had said they didn't think it was a good idea, but I thought they would stand behind me once I had decided. I told my mother what my grandmother had said, and she didn't really say anything. I had also brought my family's support letters with me, intending to hand them out. After that, I chose to only give one to my sister and my parents. When I handed it to my dad, all I said was, "Here's the support letter I'm sending out. I just thought you might want to read it." My dad called me yesterday morning, after my mom told him what my grandmother said, to tell me that she was out of line with that statement and that they will support me in every decision.

Just a few minutes ago, my grandmother called saying she read my letter and had changed her mind. She said she called my mom this morning, and they talked about my letter, both agreeing that I needed to go to see if this is where God is calling me to live. I started crying on the phone. She said, "We just didn't understand; we didn't know why you were going." The support letter I wrote to my grandparents is in my purse. I just found it. I have no idea what letter my grandmother read because I didn't leave one there!

Praise the Lord for how he acts and for the family he has blessed me with!

*sorry for such a long post. i guess that's what happens when you don't post for a month...i really wanted to share this with you.

2:00 = cookie time

almost every day, between two o'clock and three, i eat one or two (or three, you get the idea) oreos at work. it's a tradition. every day around that same time, i just get a craving for something sweet. it's cookie time. i know, my work days are titillating, aren't they?

there's a guy in my office named sean. sean schneider. say that fast three times. he's kind of an oddity and curiosity. he's 26, smokes a pack a day, and keeps asking me on a date. we have really funny conversations because we don't agree on anything. he recently told me that he was late to work because he went in for his annual std test. scary. he's four inches taller than me and weighs ten lbs less than me.

lately he's been on a "health" kick, although he hasn't given up smoking yet. he's started running and swimming laps and eating about six times a day. he consumes multiple protein shakes and creatine shakes in a day, all because he wants to gain weight. he's force-feeding himself so he can consume 2000 calories in a day, eating only things low in fat because he wants to gain muscle mass. he's pretty much obsessed.

that's my "profile of a Habitat employee" for the week. maybe i'll include something memorable about the deborahs for next time.

this has been kind of a monumental week for me. i sent off my acceptance to the university of colorado yesterday. i told my parents last night that i committed to going to t*bt this summer, and i also will make my first ever car payment this week. that's all i've got for ya.

Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad I'm not a fool.

"You can't do everything." My mom used to tell me that all the time growing up. For me, it's always been difficult to choose between options. Some people are quick decision makers; I'm not. I deliberate until the decision is made for me. I hate that choosing one thing means saying no to everything else. But that's the nature of choices. That's the point; you have to choose. You can't do everything.

I want to go on the Tibet vision trip this summer with Matt Fries, July 13-28. Just today, however, I found out that I may have to take some prerequisite classes before starting grad school in the fall. I spoke with someone from Denver who said the class they offer this summer, which covers those prereqs, starts May 29 and runs through August 2! That means, if I took the class through them, I would have to move before May 29! That's two months away. In the words of Eisley, I wasn't prepared for this. I was planning on moving after Gennie's wedding (July 7) and after Tibet.

And I haven't even heard from the other three schools yet. CU needs to know by April 7, accept or decline. I also have to submit scholarship and financial aid apps to them before Friday (via fax). There is much weighing on me lately in regard to everything in front of me. I need an intervention, or at least people to intercede for me.

**update: i just received an email from the university of texas--i've been denied initial admittance but been wait-listed for review april15-may1. an email. that's like your boyfriend breaking up with you by slipping a note in your locker. well, God's clearing away options.

Ben Folds' Jesusland

Take a walk.
Out the gate you go and never stop,
Past dollar stores and workshops,
A quarter in a cup for every block,
And watch the buildings drop
Smaller as you go
Down the tracks.
Beautiful McMansions on a hill
That over look a highway
With river boat casinos,
And you still have yet to see a soul.
Jesusland

Town to town,
Broadcast to each house
They drop your name,
But no one knows your face.
Billboards quoting things you’d never say,
You hang your head
And pray for
Jesusland

Miles and miles,
And the sun’s going down.
Pulses flow from their homes.
You’re not alone;
Lights come on,
As you lay your weary head on their lawn.
Parking lots,
Cracked and growing grass,
You see it all, from offices to farms,
Crosses flying high above the malls
Along the walk through
Jesusland

Well, today is the day, or yesterday rather. Yesterday was the day that I got my first letter back from any of the grad schools. The University of Colorado has offered me a place in their graduate architecture program. As I write this, I'm pausing just a moment to allow that to sink in. I got into grad school. I got into grad school.

It's ironic that this is the first school to respond, since it was the last applicaiton due. What's even more ironic is that on Sunday, as I was driving (very safely, I might add) home from Memphis, I was praying about the decisions in front of me, and I decided that the greatest news in the world would be to receive all four letters in the same day and have each of them say "No". What a strange thing to hope for! But it would be the most definitive answer in my seemingly undefined life. Those with whom I've already shared this news ask me if Denver was my top choice. At this point, my top choice is wherever God wants to take me, even if that doesn't mean grad school. Also praying in the car yesterday, I was expressing how it all feels so scary because I feel like July is really close, and I need to know what the next step is so I can make preparations for the plunge--whatever plunge it is. God brought Isaiah to mind, "In the desert, prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the LORD has spoken." (40:3-5)

Prepare the way for the LORD, Erin. Make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God. Sometimes I feel like God has taken me into wilderness because the wildness of his character and purposes causes me to reel. I don't know where in the world God is leading, and I don't mean that as a figure of speech. I mean, I literally do not know where on this planet God wants me be after July. Austin, Denver, Seattle, Los Angeles, Tibet, Africa or somewhere else I haven't even considered. More than ever, I want to be overseas, but I have lots of practical questions about the venture. A "No" from every school would almost have been a relief, the freedom to suck up my fears, hand them over to God, and freefall into his grace. What a rush!

God, let me hear you say, "This is the way; walk in it".

birds and bloopers

So, I'm kind of a mess--but at least I'm honest about it? I'm kind of notorious for making incorrect statements and then swearing by them. It's not like I intentionally lie (although I have been guilty of using exaggeration for dramatic storytelling; in my defense, those exaggerations are really obvious), but it's more like I just get confused when I recall details. It happens pretty frequently actually, and James Miller is usually the one who catches it. That's why he's always right when he argues with me.

Today, I did it during my first ever public speaking engagement, while representing Habitat--yes! I love my life! To really top it off, Hot Mama and Rockstar Jones were there. Shelli asked me to come speak at a club she's member of. I came; I spoke; I bloopered. I was talking about our new subdivision we're building and the one acre of land that it's going up on. One Acre?!?! Rrrrrreeeeeled you in. Apparently one acre isn't as big as I think it is. I don't know; I'm a city girl--I'm sorry, suburbanite. Everyone declared that was utterly impossible. I said, "Well, the lots are really small." right...that makes perfect sense. So, I looked at our brochure. Ummm, almost five acres! Geez. But I think I handled it well. I just laughed at myself. What else can you do?? I think it really added a whole new dynamic to my presentation. I think I might do that every time!

On a total sidenote, a kamikaze bird flew into my office and tried to commit suicide right in front of me by smashing his head into the windows. We finally picked him up with a towel and put him outside (for anyone who is terribly concerned about the bird); I think he's going to be okay. It made me think of the Office, and I laughed hard...once I got through the grief and the feeling of my heart being dropped into a bucket of boiling tears.

Happiness is just a curly fry away...

or so my arby's cup says.

So, I feel like I was just totally duped. Practically the only emails my mom sends me are weird forwards that she hasn't figured out yet are almost always full of crap someone just invented. Today, I fell for it.

5-ish Things You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do:
Did you know that cell phones have a special emergency number that will allow the phone to attempt emergency service on other networks? Did you know cell phones can act as a transmitter for remote entry to vehicles in case you lock your keys in your car and the backup set is with someone else? Did you know that cell phones have a magical backup battery that can be accessed simply by dialing a special, super-secret code? Did you know that you can disable your cell phone if it is stolen, so that the thief cannot use it? Did you know that there's a super-secret number you can call for FREE 411 (even though I'm pretty sure Cingular doesn't charge you)? Did you know that your cell phone can act a taser by dialing a special passcode set up by you in case someone tries to mug you in a dark alley? Did you know that certain cell phones have been known to cure cancer as soon as a sick person touches it and dials a special code, while simultaneously drinking from the fountain of youth?

Well, I didn't know it. For the record, I tried 2 & 3 without success, so I wouldn't try any of the others (although the last one sounds believable, more believable than a cell phone possessing magical battery juice). But if you're really curious, you can read the email below. If any of these things were true, don't you think they would tell you when you sign up for a cell phone plan? I didn't think that as I was reading it, so who's the bigger idiot?

http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dhr2p994_1t2mnd

The Inaugural Post: Confessions of a Ford Focus Rental Driver

Well, I successfully rear-ended two cars in my Maxima and unsuccessfully attempted to knock an eighteen-wheeler off I-40 by ramming his back tires with the passenger side of my brand new Civic, all within the month of February. I win-- the self-proclaimed World's Worst Driver, though I doubt few would argue with me once presented with the full evidence.

Other highlights from the month of February involving cars and the Johnson family include:
the replacement of the power steering pump in the Maxima just prior to the trade-in-- $350
the theft and recovery of my sister's Mountaineer, total costs incurred-- $200
the towing of my parents' car from my sister's apartment complex during said recovery-- $200
having to replace the battery in the Maxima so I could take it to the dealership after trade-in papers had already been signed-- Priceless

Top it.

I can't honestly give an actual figure for the number of fixed objects and other vehicles I have hit. With vehicles, the number is somewhere around 5...oh wait, I just remembered backing into Brian Hirschy's car once, so 6. With the exception of Brian, I rear-ended all of them. I've been rear-ended once and had my side-view mirror exhumed by a flyaway piece of plywood, but the majority of my
accidents have been incurred by myself. And fixed objects... one can't be sure. And keep in mind that none of these occurred until college.

So, there it is-- all of my crap--at least in the context of driving. What does it all mean? It means that all of us have crap in our lives that we usually don't tell anyone about. This is me telling all of you out there in the www that I'm a work in progress, and don't forget to ford focus while driving.